"A thing here more than a week is an heirloom." -- Kender Proverb "Ah, here we go... Fireball... wonderful spell." -- Fizban "Hello, I'm 47-49 on the wandering monster table." "I've been to the Abyss. NOT a fun place." - Tasslehoff Burfoot "I've never been at a siege before" - T. Burrfoot. "No road is ever old." - Tasslehoff Burrfoot "Not me. I thought *you* were mapping!" "Thief" is so ugly. I prefer "Creative Acquisition Specialist." "Yes, Tanis, I PROMISE I won't touch it." - Tasslehoff Burrfoot 1's on my attacks, and 20's on my checks. Dang! I try to Charm the Medusa! A 'Restore' or a high-level cleric we will quest for then... A D.M.'s Best Twit filter is a large Red Dragon. A day without dragons is... MUCH SAFER! AD&D Tip #54: The eye of a Beholder only contains more Beholders. Aluminum Dragons also do 3d6 of krinkle damage. Answer to featherfall rings and searching thieves: Springall Pit Traps. Anybody have an earth elemental? I just got a 1 on my teleport roll. Assasins do it from behind. Attacked by Lemmings - take 6d6 damage from laughter! Black Dragons Drink milk to help Acid Indigestion. But I don't have 30 hit points left. Oh. Carpe DM... Seize the Dungeon Master? Death is merely a chance to roll a new character. Did I say anything about *pink* dragons?! Did you know that 20 rings of spell storing on a pole makes a staff? DM Advice: All dice rolls are whatever you want them to be. DM advice: He who buys the pizza, lives. DM: Honor among thieves. PC: Does it count if they die? Don't just bleed there, do something! Don't look conspicuous. It draws fire. Dragon slayers wanted. No experience expected. Dragons again? I activate my +6 St. George S.A.M.'s Dragonslayer needed. Immediate position available. Est sularus oth mithas - My honor is my life. Knights of Solamnia Famous Last Words: They're only Kobolds! Famous last words: "I found the TRAAAAaaaaaaaapppp!" Fireball, the all purpose spell. Gee, Mr. Wizard! Aren't nuclear reactors dangerous? Hand of Vecna? I give it to the liche. He hits, and - i'm going to need some more dice. He who lives by the sword dies by the crossbow bolt. Hello, I'm 47-49 on the wandering monster table. Hero for Hire - Dragons Slain. How to get rid of the 20th level evil fighter: Dimension door into bedrock. I am the dragon. You are not the dragon. Any questions? I just had my car's alignment checked; it came back "Chaotic Evil." I once blasted through a door with a lighning staff. The enemy returned fire. I said get a CLERIC, not a CLERK! I said hit *HIM* with the fireball, not me! Damn wizards... I thought orcs had only 1 hit die. I throttled a neg. energy creature with the Hand of Vecna. Needed a recharge. I'm a tagline thief: I even belong to the local guild! If at first you don't secede, next time bring a bigger sword. If he casts another 9th level spell, I'm getting out of here. If someone asks what race you are, tell them "human". In the Beginning, God rolled a 20 on the Random World Generation Table Is there a spell called "Summon Pizza Elemental"? Jesus was *at least* a 15th level cleric. LAK?! What kind of name is Lak?! oh..Lak the wizard!..nice name! Look, a cork +5 Shield of Dart Attraction! Magic has a habit of lying low, like a rake in the grass. Mapping? No, I'm not mapping. I thought you were mapping. More hit points than you can possibly imagine. My other shield has a target painted on it. Don't use it much. National DMs Association: Monsters don't kill, we do. Never mess with a Dragon! Never mess with a Wizard! Never, ever pinch a sorceress on the butt. >ribbit< No, seriously, how much damage did I take? Notice: All incoming fireballs have the right-of-way. Orc, Pork. same thing.. Quit being picky! PC:I open the door. DM:Umm..are you SURE? PC:Uh, no. Retreat? No, we're just fighting in another direction. Role players do it 1d20 times a night. Scary: Red Dragon Funny: Red Dragon taking a Bath! Seems like the fireball burned up all the treasure. Bummer. Sign at Wizard's Guild: Violators will be toad. Slaying foul maidens and rescuing fair dragons! Some mornings you just don't feel like slaying dragons. Sorry, my kender "borrowed" your tagline.... Tagline thief level 20, +7 to swipe. The best way to a man's heart is with a broadsword. The best way to kill a kobald is to step on it. Thief wanted for Adventure. Apply with Gandalf the Grey. Thirty Orcs in a group? I cast fireball. Throw Axe! Throw Shield! Throw DWARF! - a beserk Minotour What are these concentric rings on this sheild for? What do you mean I hit with negative damage? What's in this potion? I just run my Spell Checker... Whose idea was that system shock roll? You rattle when you walk, because you're wearing chain mail. Your fighter doesn't get bonuses because he drinks coffee.